70 Questions to Ask Your Partner

Good questions to ask your partner get past "How was your day?" without feeling like a therapy session. Below are 70 of them: deep questions, fun ones, questions about your relationship, about the future, a few intimate ones and a short weekly check-in. They work whether you have been together a few months or a few decades.

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70 Questions to Ask Your Partner
In this article
  1. How to ask without it feeling like an interview
  2. Deep questions to ask your partner
  3. Fun questions to ask your partner
  4. Questions about your relationship
  5. Questions about the future
  6. Intimate questions to ask your partner
  7. A weekly check-in
  8. Make it a game

How to ask without it feeling like an interview

  • Pick a moment with nowhere to be. A long drive, a walk or dinner at home.
  • Answer first sometimes. It shows the kind of answer you mean and makes it a swap.
  • Don’t fix, just listen. If an answer touches on something hard, ask “What would help?” before you give advice.

Deep questions to ask your partner

  1. What are you most afraid of right now?
  2. When do you feel most loved by me?
  3. What did your parents teach you about relationships, good and bad?
  4. What is something you have never said out loud to anyone?
  5. Which moment in your life shaped you the most?
  6. What do you need more of from me when you are stressed?
  7. What is a dream you have given up on, and do you miss it?
  8. What part of yourself are you still trying to understand?
  9. When was the last time you cried, and why?
  10. What do you think is the hardest thing about being with me?
  11. What is something you are proud of that you rarely mention?
  12. What does home mean to you?
  13. What is a regret you have made peace with?
  14. If you could change one thing about how you grew up, what would it be?
  15. What do you want people to say about you when you are old?

Fun questions to ask your partner

  1. What is one dish you would like me to learn to cook?
  2. If we swapped bodies for a day, what is the first thing you would do?
  3. Which of my habits would you most like to steal?
  4. What is the weirdest thing you believed as a kid?
  5. If we were on a reality show, which one would it be?
  6. Which song would you pick for our first dance, if we had to dance again tomorrow?
  7. Who would play me in a movie about us?
  8. What is the most ridiculous thing we have argued about?
  9. What would you do with a completely free Saturday?
  10. If we opened a restaurant, what would we serve?
  11. Which animal am I most like?
  12. What is one thing I do that always makes you laugh?

Questions about your relationship

  1. What did you think of me after our first date?
  2. When did you know you wanted to be with me?
  3. Which day with me would you live again if you could?
  4. What is something small I do that means a lot to you?
  5. When do we work best as a team?
  6. What is one thing you would like us to do more often?
  7. Is there anything you wish I asked you about more?
  8. What helps you calm down when we disagree?
  9. What is something about us you would never want to change?
  10. What did you learn about love from a past relationship?
  11. What is one way I could make your week easier?
  12. Which of our traditions do you love most?
  13. When have you felt furthest from me, and what brought us back?

Questions about the future

  1. Where do you see us in five years?
  2. Where in the world would you like to live, if anything were possible?
  3. What does a perfect ordinary Sunday look like for us in ten years?
  4. What is a trip we absolutely have to take?
  5. What should we do for our next big celebration?
  6. What is a goal you want my help with?
  7. How do you feel about our money habits?
  8. What is a skill we should learn together?
  9. What would you like to be doing when you retire?
  10. Which friends do you hope we are still close with in twenty years?
  11. What kind of home do you picture for us?
  12. What is one thing you want to stop putting off?

Intimate questions to ask your partner

  1. When do you feel most attracted to me?
  2. What is a compliment from me you still remember?
  3. What is your favorite way to be kissed?
  4. Is there something new you would like us to try?
  5. What is the most romantic thing I have ever done for you?
  6. Where would your dream weekend away with me be?
  7. What do I do that makes you feel wanted?
  8. What is a memory of us you replay when you miss me?

A weekly check-in

Pick three or four of these on a Sunday evening. It takes ten minutes.

  1. What was the best moment of your week?
  2. What was the hardest moment?
  3. Did you feel supported by me this week?
  4. Is there anything you need from me next week?
  5. What are you looking forward to?
  6. What is one thing we should plan together?
  7. Is there anything we didn’t talk about that we should?
  8. What is one thing you appreciated about me this week?
  9. How are you sleeping, honestly?
  10. What should we do just for fun next weekend?

Make it a game

If a list feels too serious, turn the asking into a game. Take turns rolling a die and answering from the section with that number, or play Would You Rather for couples, which gets people talking about their values without ever asking directly.

Duoo is an iPhone and iPad app with question games for couples, including Would You Rather, Never Have I Ever, Who’s Most Likely To and Princess Treatment. It works offline on one phone, so it is easy to pull out at dinner or on a road trip. It is free to download, and a subscription with a free trial unlocks every game and category.

More for couples: questions to ask your boyfriend, questions to ask your girlfriend, games to play on a date and end of year questions for couples.

Save these lists for later

Screenshot them for game night or save them to Pinterest.

7 Deep Questions to Ask your Partner Save
6 Fun Questions to Ask your Partner Save
6 Questions About your Relationship – Questions to Ask Your Partner Save
7 Questions About the Future – Questions to Ask Your Partner Save
7 Intimate Questions to Ask your Partner Save
7 A Weekly Check-in – Questions to Ask Your Partner Save

Questions

What are deep questions to ask your partner? +

Ask about the things you rarely have time for: "What are you most afraid of right now?", "When do you feel most loved by me?" or "What did your parents teach you about relationships, good and bad?" A calm evening with no phones out is the best setting.

How often should couples ask each other questions like these? +

There is no rule, but many couples like a short weekly check-in of three or four questions, plus a longer conversation every few months or at the end of the year.

What if my partner does not like answering questions? +

Start with fun and easy questions, answer first yourself, and keep it short. Doing it while walking, cooking or driving takes the pressure off. A question game on the phone also feels lighter than a list.

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